“Don’t waste your life waiting for them

to make you important in their life."

Your Empty Nest Adventure

Why am I calling it an Adventure?

Because for some of us – it’s the beginning of long-awaited freedom.  Woo-hoo!

..but for others – it’s the start of a grief-filled journey like we never expected.

If your kids have already left, think back to what that experience was like for you.

The weeks leading up to that moment.  Then the day they moved out.

~was it Big & Dramatic & Sad?

or

Were you embarrassed because the contractor truck was pulling up (the one that was going to remodel that room) as your kids are leaving.  Awkward.

The Thanks I get? (or not)

Some Moms actually feel offended when their kids leave because they initially cut off communication.

We think, “I devoted my life to you.  You were my priority from the moment I got up to the moment I went to bed and this is the thanks I get!?”

It’s baffling (and painful) to think you could go from being the ONLY thing they needed for survival (as an infant) to not being needed at all. 

Empty Nest Perspective

But, did you forget their perspective.  We forget that they’re trying to find their way in this big scary world and yes they probably want their Mom.

It’s actually a huge sign of success – thanks to you – when you realize they’re figuring it out on their own.

You’ve taught them how to be resourceful, you’ve taught them how to be self-sufficient. That’s the accomplishment.

Helping them be Brave

Because the truth is (and we all know this but tend to forget) we may not be here tomorrow. And if we left this earth too soon, think about how awful it would be if they felt lost or unable to make decisions or unable to trust their own youthful wisdom.  If they didn’t feel brave enough to make their own choices.

Empty Nest Anxiety

I’ll admit my own personal experience found me crippled with anxiety at times.

I was so worried something would happen – and that might be the thing I forgot to teach him.

“Does he know to turn the water off behind the toilet? or “We should have spent last summer cooking together.”

Empty Nest Regrets

We do a quick memory-scan of all the things we should have done differently over the last 18+ years.

I got stuck on remembering all those times I could’ve been maximizing memories –

all the teaching moments I missed out on because I chose Chardonnay over dealing with my own life.

Yeah – some major sh*t comes up.

But you gotta’ give yourself some grace that you did the best you could with the tools you had.

Job has been eliminated

Some of us don’t even realize we’ve been using our “Mom role” as a shield, because it’s our comfort zone.  

Being a Mom is hard. It’s rewarding, it’s maddening but we were really good at it.  It gave us a lot of pride & deep satisfaction.

Then – just like that (insert snap) it’s gone. 

Kind of like corporate downsizing:  “Sorry to inform you but your job has been eliminated.  Your services are no longer needed.” 

WHO am I now?

This part can be overwhelming & scary and it’s the piece that gets us stuck.

• Who am I now?

• What do I like now?

• What do I want to do now?

• How am I going to fill my days now?

The good news is you can have both and you deserve both.

You can create an amazing 2nd chapter AND you can have an amazing new relationship with your adult children.

Even if – they choose to not communicate with you.  Your life will still improve.

"Don’t waste your life waiting for them to make you important in their life."

Work with what you do have control over.  Your life, Your dreams, Your thoughts, Your habits & Your perspective.

It’s sad and it sucks

That’s my best educated description for telling it like it is.  But this version doesn’t have to be your reality.

Instead, why not let this time of transition serve as a reminder that you deserve to be selfish.  In fact – you should be selfish.

It’s YOUR life – and it’s not determined by your spouse, or your circumstances or by what your kids do (or don’t do).

Your life is determined by YOU. 

Empty Nest Syndrome

I am not minimizing the Empty Nest process because it’s a real thing.  A real sad, tough thing. 

Some of us lose our way & need professional help to get through this process – but most of us just need some guidance, support & understanding from someone who’s been through it.  

Empty Nest Manual

Remember finding out you were pregnant & rushing to buy: “What to expect when you’re expecting.”  It promised to give us the inside scoop on what it’s really like to be pregnant.

Well, I don’t remember a chapter that says “oh yeah, buckle up because the REAL pain is when they leave!”  

Labor pain is intense & painful,  but really does become a distant memory when you’re holding your precious newborn.

Empty Nest pain comes in big waves -with big tears…so many tears – & when you least expect it. 

That song from his 3rd grade Spring festival…gets me every time. 

Empty Nest Stressed

I realize all of our experiences are totally different & unique – but that’s why we need to share them. 

So we can learn from & help each other avoid as much heartache as possible.

Because even if your kid was a total shit growing up and gave you sleepless nights, endless headaches and maybe even got into some real trouble –

your love and hope for them was still immense and unconditional.  

Stressed to Blessed

If you’re in the early stages of your son or daughter planning to leave – or if they’ve moved out recently….I promise it gets easier.

What helps the transition from Empty Nest Stressed to Empty Nest Blessed?

Gaining a better understanding & different perspective of what’s really happening. 

Wrong way vs. Right way

Personal feelings / high emotions / situational differences / personalities

For these reasons alone, there is clearly no “right” way to navigate YOUR empty nest.

That’s like saying “here’s the 5 steps to process heartache.”  Nothing about this life milestone is Universal, but we all know what pain & heartache feels like.   

Empty Nest mistakes

What I can promise you is that there are several ways to do it “wrong.”  Let me lower that risk for you.

I’ve explained the most common mistakes in my FREE guide.  

>> Grab it here:  Your Empty Nest – the top 5 Mistakes to Avoid

be sure and share this with a friend who might be at risk!

ohhh - I almost forgot, come hang out in the group @The JUICY Life – there’s a bunch of us waiting to connect with you!